I read an article this week that made me feel beyond deeply depressed and fearful for our young people. As a professional in the sex industry I have absolutely no issues with sex. Have it, do not have it. Do it this way, that way or the other. Men and women, women and women, men and men. Two at a time, threesomes, moresomes. Who cares as long as all concerned are over the legal age of consent and actually give their consent? I do not care whether the sex is free, or paid for. You can be an amateur or a professional sex workers and I will not care. But I do have a simple rule. It is not enough that no means no. More importantly, yes means yes.
In a recent survey by the Family Planning Association in England found that fifty three per cent of people that were surveyed thought that it was unacceptable for someone to change their mind about having sex and say “no” once their clothes had come off. Even more worrying and disturbing is the finding that sixty one per cent of those aged between fourteen and seventeen years of age agreed with this view. Thank about that for a moment. Sixty one per cent of youg people in England think that once a girl (or boy) is naked that they are obliged to have sex and no longer have the right to say no. Jesus, people. Even the sexiest mature escorts London can supply have the right to withdraw their sexual consent and say no if they are with a client and do not want to follow through for whatever reason. Of course, the client will quite justifiably want their money back, but even for professional sex workers no means no.
I have always thought that “no means no” is the wrong message anyway. It would be much better to work to the rule that “yes means yes”. Not refusing something is not the same as directly requesting it. If I say say “yes, I really want a vodka” that is a request. If you offer me a vodka and I do not say anything that does not mean that I am going to drink it with relish. The same with sex. If I say “stick your cock in me now and fuck me hard until I come” that is what I call consent. If I do not say anything, that is not consent, it is just not saying anything. Not the same thing at all.